Hello.

Months went by since we were together. Months went by without you by my side, and I could handle it well by myself but then again there are days where I found my mind roaming for the thought of you. I still think about you whether it's at the random hours of the day, let it be when it's at the early morning dusk or when the world is already asleep, comforted by the silence of the night. And when I do think of you, there's this haunting and gnawing feeling of lost and missing you. It comes in big tidal wave, drowning me, leaving me breathless and confused as to why I would think of someone who would never think of me anymore.

I thought I was over you months ago. I even told my friends I was completely over you and there's no point of returning back to someone who shattered my dignity. I realized my worth, I realized there's no use to chase over someone who wants to leave, and there's definitely no use to love someone who never loved me back but the fact that I still look for a piece of you in other guys that I talk to makes me scared that I can't get over you.

You know I have a soft spot for you. You know that no matter how much you break me and mess me up, I'll have a hard time to get mad at you. This is one of the things that makes me think life is unfair. It's unfair that I can't get mad at you when you truly deserve it. I remember that night when you finally confessed about your true feelings, I wasn't mad because I couldn't bring myself to do so. I was just confused and disgusted at myself, because for some odd reason, I think it's my fault. Somewhere along the way, it's my fault.

Although you're a mess and can be a total fuck up, you deserve better. Maybe that's why I couldn't be mad at you because I know you deserve better than the person I am which leads me into thinking it's not your fault for wanting to leave.

I don't know what it is about you, but you made me feel things that I never knew had in me. You ignited this spark and although it was brief, I cherished every moment of it and I guess I'll have a hard time to dim it out.

I'm not going to chase for you anymore, but I just hope you still think of me even if it's rarely. I have to admit that even if you don't think of me, let alone miss me, I do found myself missing you and it's unfair. I don't know how the universe works, but it's unfair. For now, I hope.

I miss that feeling of satisfaction whenever I read over the phrases and sentences that I manage to articulate. The words I choose to use are not expressive nor eloquent. As long as they manage to make me reminisce a certain memory I hold on dear to myself and if they manage to show me that I'm growing up and improvise day by day is enough.

There's this feeling of nostalgic whenever I come back here after being gone for months. Why get nostalgic over a blog? It's not that important. Personally, it's worth is actually more than that. This is the place where my past self used to go to in order to vent when I used to be scared of those overwhelming feelings that I couldn't control. I sure didn't get any advice after writing those awful personal feeling and struggles on here but it was enough to make me feel less suffocated back then. Talking about whatever problems I have to someone sure sounds like the best option but writing can be much more relaxing and comforting for someone that is too secretive and reserved for my own good.

I might as well miss the aching feeling of my hand after I decided to write on something pointless and realizing just how many ink stains I got. It's really dramatic for me to say that but I somewhat do miss it.

The song is impactful but the main point is at 0.20 - 1.25 and 3.47 - 4.51. 
I hope you can relate to it in some way because I think it can help dealing with whatever you're facing through in life. Especially in our youthful teenage years.  That being said, I hope the both of us gets to live a long healthy life and make the most out of it! Semoga panjang umur and congratulations on being 1 year older than me! ✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:* \(◕‿◕✿)/ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Labels: birthday, fiqa

Hello.

I can't believe that I'm actually going to write a special post to mark the end of my journey that I went through  in the year of 2014. I think the reason why I feel the need to make this post is because 2014 has actually been the best year that ever happened to me if I compare it to the previous years. It's not like my life doesn't mean anything before 2014, it's just that there's a lot of bad things happened to me and uncountable bad memories I don't want to remember.

I have to admit that the beginning of the year wasn't that special or amazing to the point where I can feel it's going to be a great year. I had some fights and made some mistakes but as time passed by, I guess I grew up. I learned various things from new people that I let into my life. People that I never imagined to have any connection with me yet they somehow made a special impact to shape some part of this person I am today. I know more about my friends' true colors. From the part of them that they want to hide, to the part of them that made my view on them to turn into something different and unexpected yet I managed to convince myself that they're maybe worth keeping until we grow up together.

I learned that positivity, confidence and honesty have a big influence in life. You have to let yourself to be filled with more optimism because you'll eventually realize that when you get rid of the bad vibes and negativity away, everything isn't totally corrupted like you made or imagined it to be. There's still hope for you and always will be. You have to learn to control that hidden self-doubt you have inside you and try to build your confidence. It's totally crucial in some event that you have to be involved in and a good amount of confidence can mostly help you to get through it and achieve something good. I learned that being honest about something, especially my feelings towards someone, can either take a good or a bad turn. I still have to be careful on these emotions I feel and try to control it because I'm a very emotional person. There are times where I feel nothing, then feel everything at once so I have to learn to take a grasp on it.

Also, I found out from some experiences that you can't fully trust everyone. It doesn't matter if you've known them for the longest time, you have to make sure that the person you want to share some of your problems to or vent out an unspoken emotion is willing to accept the things you're going to say. Not everyone have the same mindset as you. Not everyone is going to accept the way your mind works. Sometimes they understand, and sometimes they don't. And when they don't, you have to brace yourself for them to say something that you never expect them to say right in your face.

Education and knowledge are one of the crucial things in life. Educate yourself to be an open-minded person. Educate yourself to accept other people despite their flaws and difference. Educate yourself on anything that you're interested in. Educate yourself on anything that can make the world a better place. Educate yourself on anything that can help other people. Educate yourself on religion, language, culture and history. Educate yourself on the issues that's going on in the world and don't let them be untold. Knowledge is a great value yet most of us fail to notice this since people have always been too absorbed by appearance Truth hurts, I know.

And the most important of all, this is the year that taught me how to love myself. I don't have any idea on where I actually learn or was exposed to about this topic now until this year. I'm grateful for the effort I made to discover myself and accept any flaws I have. Loving and accepting yourself is never easy when you're so used to fill your head with negativity but trust me, the time and energy and positivity you're going to invest to learn to love yourself is worth it. I don't know how to emphasize this feeling and experience, but I'm proud and happy for myself that I managed to make it — to accept myself. I thought I wouldn't have the chance to feel this way because I'm so used to hating myself to the point where I think I can't be happy with who I am, but look where I am now.

All in all, it has been a great journey that made me into a different person. I'm thankful and grateful for everything that I earned from God. May 2015 will bring more good memories and chance for me, and you, to learn more.

Goodbye.

Hello. This post probably have the most boring title ever that I can came up with.

I got my PT3 result yesterday and I didn't get the result that I wanted but I'm not that sad over it or anything because I've constantly told myself that I have to accept the truth. My mom said she's quite happy with it and I honestly don't know if she's trying to make a joke or reassure me that she's really fine with it. My dad didn't say anything about it. As usual. Anyways, we went to the mall after we got home from school to get lunch, get a new school bag for me and my sister (because my brother apparently wants to use mine for next year) AND TO GET A GUITAR!! FOR ME!!! My mom said consider it as a gift for the result which I think is.... not... worth enough considering the fact that my result is not even that good and moderately look like trash, but I'm just going to be thankful for everything I have for now.

Now that I got my result, I'm just waiting and hoping and praying that I'll get the chance to get into a boarding school. You don't even know how bad I want it. That's the only thing I'm worried about for now (besides trying to learn the guitar) because I decided to make a drastic change to my life and getting into a boarding school may help me to do so although I'm not sure if it's a good decision. Next year is the only time where I can get the chance to meet new people, experience new things, explore new places (although I'm going to stay in the boarding school for like 2 years if I managed to enter) and I'm sure I would be so devastated if I couldn't make it. I know I can do all of those maybe in a few more years besides next year, but I just want to make a quick change for now. In fact, I was more worried about my chance of getting into a boarding school rather than my PT3 result.

I want to get away from this town and from the people here even though I have nothing against them. I just want to make a change. And make me open my eyes a bit to see what my life would have been if it's not the same as my current one.

Bye.

(26/12) +edit:  I forgot to write something here after I post this. We ate at the food court of the mall and my family and I were sitting beside this group of Chinese college students (I assume) which there is a girl and 2 guys. My mom and my seat were the closest to them so we can hear most of the things they were talking about and also because they were obnoxiously loud.

But anyways, I heard them talking about their primary school friends (or just friends in general) and they were literally judging about them. They show photos to each other and talk about how they dress and how they look in the photo. And it made me quite.... uncomfortable, to say the least. They were even laughing about this guy's outfit and how they think that most people's fashion sense are ugly and such. Just to make it clear, they were wearing shorts and basic t-shirt so I don't know what them think that it's okay to judge the hell out of someone while they're not even that perfect.

I'm not a saint and innocent and it's not like I've never judge anyone before but the things they said.... it made my trust issue worse.

Hello.

I haven't talked about my life much on this blog like how I used to, so here I am giving my non-existent readers an update about my.... quite boring life which I'm surprisingly pretty content with.

Let's start by going back to 28th of November because that's the only date where I remember doing something that doesn't involve me of being in front of the laptop or my handphone in the course of November. I went to Kolej MARA Banting with my family, excluding my mom because she didn't take a leave for work that day. It was for a UKK (Ujian Kecenderungan Kemasukan) test to identify if I'm (+ hundreds maybe thousands of other students) are qualified or meet the requirement enough to go to the MRSM boarding school. I think I did fine but you'll never know, right? Especially if it comes to Math.

Let's just say that I had a major headache after the test, specifically after the Math test, but I think it's because I didn't eat before the test. I thought it wouldn't be that long and I wouldn't get hungry because I had enough meal for breakfast, which was completely wrong. I had to refrain myself from making incoherent noises while figuring out the answers while my stomach was practically growling. (not really, but close enough).

And yesterday, I decided to join my dad cycling around the area of Putrajaya for this charity work or something on cancer. I guess. (I didn't pay attention much I just wanted to do something yesterday.) It was an enjoyable ride because it was a good weather and I got the chance to look at some really beautiful houses in that area.

After that, we went home and got ready to go to the mall because my sister wanted to look for her friends' birthday present and to get lunch. She wanted to look for 3 different presents to give to each of her friends which resulted me into dragging myself following my mom and sister around the mall.

Nothing interesting happened much in my life for now so that's why this post is boring and a mess. I'm going to Perak with my family this month so I'm anticipating for that.

Also, there's only 30 days left until 2015, because November only lasted for like 5 minutes.

Bye.

Hello.

It feels like an eternity since the last time time I wrote anything on this blog and I'm fully aware that I say this almost all the time in the beginning of every post before.

Life after PT3 is quite a bliss to me although I have to admit that I have no idea on what to do sometimes and have to accept the boredom that's killing me. I spend a lot of my time being on social networks mainly Twitter, Tumblr and Instagram. Now this is where I get some of my idea to write or rant about something that I discover on these social networks.

First of all, these social networks are mainly used by teenagers and young adults and I have to say that some of them are easily, I might want to emphasize, easily influenced by all of the bullshit that other people post/share on these sites.

If you're a person that reluctantly let the Internet to consume most of your time (like me, there's no denying in that), or just prefer the entertainment that's offered by the countless social networks we have these days, I think it's safe to assume that I bet all of you will at least cross over something, let's say a picture on Instagram or a tweet on Twitter or a post on Tumblr, that have girls striving and dying to be thin.

Before I get further on with this post, let me point out that there's nothing wrong to have a naturally thin figure for you women out there who are blessed with a high, sky-rocket level of metabolism. The reason why I want to write this post is to rant on how some people are so influenced by society's and the media's idea of beauty, or even the idea of what you would call perfect. 

Maybe being thin have some of it advantages, uh let's say like it's not that hard to look for a pair of skinny jeans that fits you perfectly. (I don't know?? Because I'm obviously not thin.) But being thin sure as hell shouldn't make someone some kind of a special snowflake. Like seriously. I've seen enough people treating an individual with a thin figure like they're holy or an angel or something. Like seriously. We should all be treated the same despite the difference of our body figure and other physical aspect.

You like or admire that person just because they're thin? Or even envy them with all of your being just because they're petite and slim, and you're not? Ladies, there's so many things that's better to admire or even to be jealous of towards someone rather than the fact that they're thin.

It's fine to go on a diet or to go to the gym to workout if you're not comfortable with your body and decided to make a refreshing change, but it's definitely not fine when you shove the idea that being thin and skinny is considered as something crucial, important or perfect to other people. Don't make other people being tensed over your personal choice on a body figure.

Why can't all of us just accept ourselves the way we are? Why can't we just accept the fact that not being thin, petite, slender and slim is perfectly normal? Why can't we just accept the fact that it's not a sin to have some fat under your skin? There's other many things to worry about in our life, and worrying about gaining weight or not being thin like other girls that you follow on any social networks is like the last thing you should worry about. Heck, if you give yourself enough love and care to accept your body, anyone shouldn't even have to worry about this.

This post is a terrible mess and I don't know how to end it but let me remind all of you that you need to be kind to yourself. You don't need to follow other people's idea of beauty to feel beautiful or accepted. Goodbye, and take care.

(Let us take a moment of silence to pray for those souls who are already influenced by this stupid hype that's going on in our society.)

Labels: rant

Hello.

I don't know how to explain about my life right now, but the only thing I'm sure is that I'm getting anxious and restless because of this whole PT3 that's currently going on in every lives of a 15-year-old teenager across Malaysia.

My school had a briefing on PT3 for History yesterday on Thursday, and also Hari Interaksi so the parents of the students in Form 3 can also have the chance to know the details about this whole PT3 thing.

I'm trying to get myself to adapt with all of this sudden and drastic changes in the educational system in Malaysia. The new format has it pros and cons, but I prefer to say that it has more pros than cons. The only thing that I'm scared about is if I don't have the enough time, if the work I did doesn't reach the expectations of the teachers and couldn't get myself to achieve the task no matter how hard I try.

The Form 3 students at my school were informed that we're going to have a briefing for PT3 on Geography on next Monday after the assembly. My friend said that she has looked at the coursework for Geography and she said that it's quite easy to do if compared to History. And earlier this morning at school, my Geography teacher said that we still need to do PBS and we just know that we still need to do some PBS work since the certificate for PT3 and PBS is different.

---

I've been writing a lot about school and it makes me seem like I don't have other things to do in my life. Uh, let's just say that I'm completely detached from Kpop and EXO. I don't know how that can happen and how it's even possible, but I just did. I guess it's because I rarely go to my Kpop account on Twitter and Tumblr so that surely helps myself to not get distracted that often. My love for them doesn't fade, it's just that I can't catch up on them almost 24/7 like I used to since I have more important things to do. I still support them and what not, but I can't let them make my life revolves around them until I can lose my grip on my studies and school.

I can't wait for all of these PT3 and exams on the next few months to end because I'm sure as hell it would mean a lot to me.

Hello! I was supposed to write this post a few days back, but I tend to keep on forgetting about it ._.

I think I didn't write about this before, but I went to this motivational camp on 31 May - 1 June at somewhere in Cheras (I can't remember the exact place), and I went there with my sister. We didn't know anything about this camp, and my mom just registered our name without us knowing so we had no choice but to go. Besides, the fee for one student is RM300 which costs A LOT but is actually worth it (in my opinion).

The venue and the surroundings of the camp was really comfortable and suitable for the students. The food was great given the fact that it was catered. And the time management wasn't that fussy, except during lunch time since we have to eat a bit faster than usual to get ready for solat Zuhur. The boys and girls were completely separated in terms of everything, like the time to eat and perform our prayer made it somehow impossible for the students of different gender to mix. (uhm it's not like I want to meet guys or whatever, okay!!)

The facilitators.... I don't know how to describe them but to simplify it, they have their good and bad side. There were 3 facilitators that was in charge of handling and giving the talk, and to be really honest, they were really strict but I know that it's for good intentions.

I didn't made any new friends because I came for the intention to improve myself, and not to make new friends. #sorrynotsorry. I just know some of the people just by the extent of their names and age because it doesn't really matter. I sound so mannerless and blunt /shrugs.

--

I talked about my plans during the school break in my previous post and it really upsets me how I can't even manage to do half of them :( I'm currently being caught up in doing my Science notes and it's making me feel like I can't do anything else urgh.

My days are just consisted of me sitting on random places and corners in my house while watching Bleach through my phone, and once in a while will continue doing my Science notes on the dining table. On the other hand, my brother is too caught up in playing PS2 in his room, while my sister is enjoying her life by watching endless Korean dramas and variety shows.

(no matter how boring this school break is, I don't want it to end. please.)

The mid-term school holiday is coming up in just a few days, and I can totally feel the excitement because I've been planning lots of stuff to do.

OH MY GOD HI I'M STILL ALIVE

I don't even know where to start because it had been such a long time since my last post, but first things first, the reason why I've been gone and didn't update anything on this blog since, uh, 5 months ago, is basically because I have no motivation to write. Yeap, that's it. I'm too lazy to write, although I do have the time if I actually want to write a post on this blog.

So for now, I'm really going to make myself feel passionate again about writing like I used to and be really committed in managing this blog. I saw this person's blog that I accidentally stumbled upon to just now, and the writer talked about his 1000th post on that blog (and it's ironically his last post since 2012), and it really inspires me to do something, which is to simply write more.

Write down the feelings I couldn't tell anyone, write down the memories I experienced so I can share my joy with people who read it, write down the things I want people to know but doesn't have the guts to say it out loud, write down my thoughts about what I think of the world, society and just basically anything.

I also changed my blog's layout so I would feel more motivated to be on this blog, so please anticipate the posts that will surely come in the future.

Hello.

This post was supposed to be written and published a long time ago (during mid-December) but.... the usual thing happened.... I was lazy.... so here it is. The post on my vacation to Pulau Pinang with my family on 19 until 21 Dec. This post is soooo late but I still want to write it because it's a really great experience.

Day #1

We leave early on Thursday morning, and got our breakfast at a R&R. When we arrived at Penang, we were lost for a while since my parents were confused a bit on finding the way to the ferry terminal. I think that was my 2nd time to went on a ferry while my first one was when we're going to Pulau Langkawi but that was like ages ago. So, when I went to a ferry at this age, I came to realize how much I hate ferries. Like, there's nothing special and fun about it??? The service sucks like shit and it took us a really long time to get on the ferry although it's not on the weekend or a public holiday and ugh it's just a horrible experience. No wonder the adults on the ferry had this serious look on their face and just sat in their car since you're just going to get all messed up by the wind when you got outside.

When we arrived at Pulau Pinang, it was around 1 or 2 p.m where the island is at it's highest peak of temperature and it was soooo hot yet we still went around the town (while in the car of course) and got our lunch. Went to the hotel after we ate, and omg I thought that the island is kind of small, so I didn't expect a really long drive to our hotel since it's really far from the capital city. Got lost again when we're looking for the hotel. When we found the hotel and checked in, my whole family was literally stunned and amazed by the hotel since it's so pretty and cozy~











After that, we went to check in our new hotel and this time it's in the capital city area. There's nothing special about the hotel room so there's no pictures of it.

Went out again and walked around the area. My dad got this brochure on the first day we arrived there, and it's a brochure (brochure example) that have all of the street art in Penang and we had lots of fun looking for them since it's like a treasure hunt lol. We didn't found all of the street art since it's getting late and some of them are already fading and located far from our place. Went back to the hotel and get ready to have our dinner.

There's nothing special on that night except for the part where our car got clamped because idk why okay I'm still young to know about the road rules so please understand. When we got back to our room, everyone gets ready to sleep because all of us were so tired from walking for almost half of the day.

One bad experience from the hotel was that the pillow was too fucking high for my neck and head to deal with and it's just a pain to my neck and brain. And the fact that me and my sister got to sleep on the floor with a sleeping bag made it worse for me, so I ended up having a headache throughout the night because I literally think about how much I hate the pillows at the hotel.

Day #3 

I didn't woke up late that day. We checked out early so we can do more activities since it's our last day at Penang. Oh, and we rent bicycles and went around the area while looking for a place to get lunch. It was so fun and I think it's one of the best experience I had.

After lunch, we went back to the place that we rent our bicycles from and then we went to stop by at my mom's friend house in Kedah, then went back home.

I'm honestly ashamed by how late and uncommitted I am when writing posts T^T bye~

Labels: holidays

omg hello!!

Labels: holidays

ay guess who have the sudden willpower and desire to finally update their blog after weeks of not updating anything?

Hello people, I'm back from digging my way from the pit of despair and miserableness.

Labels: monthly

Hello.

I think there's like a lot of things that I want to write here, but I just don't have the appropriate (?) time to write. I'm already having my school holidays but I don't have any plan what I'm going to do throughout the holidays ._. The only thing I'm sure is that I'm going to spend lots and lots of time on the Internet, watch movies and animes (I had some show that I really need to finish quickly), finish two books and do house chores every evening like always. Oh, and also study ≖‿≖

#1 Cockroaches are disgusting. Enough said.

Why do you wonder I say that? It's because I've been attacked and got physically attack/assaulted by probably three different cockroaches on three different nights while I'm sleeping. Besides, it's a fact. I literally don't know how my body function but my skin can literally felt the cockroach's hairy, ugly and skinny twigs legs whenever they're on my skin ― although I can look like I'm dead when I'm sleeping sometimes.

The first experience happened when that thing were suddenly on my bed and I felt it crept/walk around my leg for a while then I quickly kicked and shoved my leg until it went flying to my bed's headboard. The second one was when I felt it on mY FUCKING SHIRT AT THE CHEST AREA LIKE WTF IS WRONG WITH THAT DAMN THING??? ??

The third one happened just three days ago. I think I was reading my book then I suddenly got so sleepy so I just put the book aside with the pile of clean unfolded clothes on my bed and slept. My dad or any of my siblings didn't close the light at that particular night, and I think things will actually got more worse if that happened. So what happened on that night is, while I was sleeping, I felt like my hair was tugged lightly and some strands moved lightly, and I'm really sure that there's like 0.001% risk of supernatural things happen in my house. So I quickly knew what it was. It was one of satan's minion a.k.a the thing. (I'm even disgusted to type what that creature is called omg). I saw it on the end of some strand of my hair and I quickly lift up my head and body. I'm so thankful that that thing's disgusting legs didn't got tangled on my hair because I think I'm going to woke up the everyone in the house before I faint.

My dad scolded me because he said that the reason why that thing was creeping on my bed is because my bed is so messy. Um I guess I couldn't deny on that. Anyways, the experience of getting my boundaries and privacy attacked by that thing on certain nights when I'm sleeping will always get the same result ― which is I need to sleep outside or sit on the couch and be paranoid with my surroundings or even ended up not getting a decent sleep on that night ಥ_ಥ

#2 Spending a week alone.

My siblings stayed at my hometown maybe for a week or two with our cousins from Johor Bahru. I didn't stay there because.... Don't ask me okay, because I literally don't even know the answer to that. I just felt like I don't want to, so I don't. Simple as that.

I think that's all that's actually worth posting, so bye~

Labels: monthly

Hello!

I went to KLCC with my family today because of the SM Art Exhibition at Isetan, 2nd Floor @ KLCC. It's only for a limited time which starts on 1 Nov - 14 Nov, so I thought that it's better to go earlier rather than wait for the next few weeks because I'm scared if the items will be out of stock or something. Me and my sister were so thankful when my parents actually let us go there T_T

Anyways, the place was not that big and it's really crowded. Random songs from SM artists were played on this big TV screen at the entrance and there were big posters of TVXQ and EXO. We arrived at 11.00 a.m, and there's already lots of people. They organized the items according to the group, but overall, I think there were really lots of Super Junior, TVXQ and SHINee stuffs than EXO, SNSD and f(x).

Because I felt so excited and so in awe, I spent the first 10 minutes to explore every part of the place, and after that I started to choose the things that I wanted. I saw these packs of pretty SHINee members badges + 2 random badges and it cost like.... RM71+. I knew I'm going to be really careful with choosing the stuffs there after I saw that. Even those dumb yellow/orange pencils with the pink rubber at the end of the pencil with "XOXO" written on it cost like RM16 each and I just- ಥ⌣ಥ why SM why

I'm just going to upload some pictures of what I bought there because I don't want to go on about how expensive the items were.

Hello.

My birthday was yesterday (30th October) and I just want to share the good stuffs that happened on that day that made me realize how blessed I am with the people and things I have in life for now and how I need to be grateful for all of my blessings.

Yesterday, my class and some other classes need to hand over our textbooks and get the Form 3 textbooks for next year. I had like 3 textbooks that weren't wrapped with those plastic thingy and my friends said that the teachers will not accept the books that weren't wrapped and I was like, oh. But then, I manage to coax the teacher to let me hand over the 3 textbooks that weren't wrapped and they finally accepted it so yeay for me.

We went to the Kemahiran Hidup room after we got our new textbooks and we took some pictures, chat and stuff. The guys weren't in the room and class for like, the whole entire day because they helped the teachers with managing and arranging the textbooks. While everyone were doing their own stuff, someone said that our teacher is going to tell our result for Sejarah and I don't expect much but dayum, it was really disappointing. Me, Sab, Hazimah and Nazihah went around the school looking for classes and gave their results and papers from the exams. After we got back from sending out results and papers to some classes, we went back to the Kemahiran Hidup room and got more results. Oh wow, the joy ʘ‿ʘ

I couldn't remember what happened after that but all I can remember is that Afiqah somehow accidentally spilled her nasi lemak all over herself and the table during recess. Loser beyond repair right there. Apart from that, some of my classmates were feeling so down and look so unhappy because of their results and it made me sad and pity for them because they're like my family so I feel connected to them and when any of them are sad or anything, I can actually feel that way too. Yeap, that's it, I think I'm actually made of from a mess or puddle of feelings and emotions.

Then, we went back to the room and the situation of my friends that were unhappy with their results got more worse because most of them cried and let out their feelings in a bad way by calling themselves stupid and said negative things about themselves and it made me feel so horrible idek?? Because I can't do anything to make them stop feeling like that and nothing can change their results so I went to do something else because I think they need some time to be alone to manage their own feelings. My friend, Nazihah, tried to comfort one of them from crying and all that, but she ended up getting scolded instead and it's like the sad friend (it's hard for me to explain this) were venting out her anger and frustration to my friend and that's just really wrong, especially if she's trying to help her in the first place.

Tired from the drama that happened, me, Sab and Hazimah decided to mess around with the camera and took some pictures and we laughed a lot because we look so.... horrible and derp in every pictures that we took, I can't even explain the ugliness.

After fooling around, most of us went to the surau to do our prayers, then we hang around the anjung for a while. After that, most of us somehow got separated and I suddenly realized that there's just me and Hazimah were there so we went to the Kemahiran Hidup room, toilet, and back to the room and toilet and it's just-

After constantly walking back and forth from the Kemahiran Hidup room to the toilet, me and Hazimah finally went to our classroom. While on our way to the classroom, we saw Sab and one of my classmate that I can't figure out who because I can't figure out anyone without wearing my glasses, and yeap that's how horrible my far-sightedness is. I think Sab did something but I don't know what it is because I looked somewhere else at that time, but Hazimah knew what Sab did. I didn't question her or anything because I think it's not important lol.

When we were near to our class, we saw Qistina, Nazihah, Zati and Sab telling us that we shouldn't go to the class because they were cleaning and then Shazleen came down running telling us that Puan Noraizan (our class teacher) were looking for us. It's really obvious that they were lying about the cleaning and the teacher looking for us, but I suddenly thought "oh, maybe the teacher wants to see us because she wants to tell our result for Science since we weren't in the class earlier" so we actually went back halfway oh my god.

When we were walking back halfway, they suddenly shouted at us telling that we can enter the class back, and I literally forgot everything about the Science result and the teacher looking for us, so I went up the stairs to the class normally, without suspecting anything at all.

And when I entered the class, they suddenly sang Happy Birthday to me and there were a cake in the middle of the class with lit up candles and one of my English teacher last year were there too, and I was like, "what they're making a surprise for me what". I looked at the cake and everyone around me before I blew out the candles and I "made a wish" hoping that there will be nothing that can break me and my classmates apart.

I cut the cake and gave a "speech" (the teacher asked me to do so) and somehow burst into tears because I was so overwhelmed, please don't laugh at me. We took pictures and smudge some icing to other people's face and everything turns out really good.

After I ate the cake, Hazimah told me everything. She said that during at the anjung, they were actually preparing for the surprise, and it turns out that it's Hazimah's job to "separate" me from the others. We actually went back and forth from the room to the toilet and were in there for a long time because she tried to distract me and gave the people at the class enough time to prepare everything. And the teacher looking for us and they told us that they're cleaning the class were just a lie to slow down my way to the class and it actually worked I-

I just want to say how grateful I am for all of my classmates' hard work in trying to throw that birthday surprise. And I want to thank God for giving me an opportunity to have them in my life and made me feel so loved by them because I thought I was nothing special in the class and no one give a shit about me but what happened yesterday just proved me that I'm absolutely wrong. I just realized how I should appreciate everyone and everything in my life although if I feel like it's not enough.

And I would like to thank Farah, Huda, Rifhan, Yasmin, Cinta, Shaffi, Simon, Fayyadh, Amir, Fitri and everyone that wished me a Happy Birthday, it's just a Happy Birthday wish but it still meant a lot to me.

I can't exactly describe how thankful I am for everything in life. Alhamdulillah, and goodbye.

* I want to put some pictures from the surprise party but I don't have any pictures....

Labels: friends, personal, school

Hello, my slaves.

Okay so basically, I'm finally free from finals exams and I don't feel that feeling of "freedom" or anything special because.... I don't know it's not like I study enough and my results are disappointing as hell so I think I shouldn't feel that feeling of "freedom"??? wow me and my feelings are so hard to understand.

Like I said, my results are really disappointing and I think I deserve it because I didn't study hard enough and I studied last minute so yeah.... It's not like I have high expectations for my results or anything. I'm just going to accept everything for now and try harder next time. I also made a decision to really cut down on spending most of my time on the laptop and do other productive things like study ಠ◡ಠ ha ha ha

Also, I'm going to have a 2 month break because end year holidays which starts on November until December, and I decided to spend the month of November by spending my time as usual like go on tumblr, twitter and all that bad stuff when I don't have anything to do (which is all the time lmao). And on the month of December, I'm going to start studying and revising for Math and other subjects since next year is going to be more harder with all of the PBSMR thingy and exams going around.

For this final exam result, I'm so disappointed with myself so that's why I really want to change myself in term of being a student, so yeah. Wish me luck in life, bye.

Labels: school

Hello.

I FINALLY GET MY EXO-K GROWL ALBUM !! ! ! ! !!

Labels: school, weekly