Months went by since we were together. Months went by without you by my side, and I could handle it well by myself but then again there are days where I found my mind roaming for the thought of you. I still think about you whether it's at the random hours of the day, let it be when it's at the early morning dusk or when the world is already asleep, comforted by the silence of the night. And when I do think of you, there's this haunting and gnawing feeling of lost and missing you. It comes in big tidal wave, drowning me, leaving me breathless and confused as to why I would think of someone who would never think of me anymore.
I thought I was over you months ago. I even told my friends I was completely over you and there's no point of returning back to someone who shattered my dignity. I realized my worth, I realized there's no use to chase over someone who wants to leave, and there's definitely no use to love someone who never loved me back but the fact that I still look for a piece of you in other guys that I talk to makes me scared that I can't get over you.
You know I have a soft spot for you. You know that no matter how much you break me and mess me up, I'll have a hard time to get mad at you. This is one of the things that makes me think life is unfair. It's unfair that I can't get mad at you when you truly deserve it. I remember that night when you finally confessed about your true feelings, I wasn't mad because I couldn't bring myself to do so. I was just confused and disgusted at myself, because for some odd reason, I think it's my fault. Somewhere along the way, it's my fault.
Although you're a mess and can be a total fuck up, you deserve better. Maybe that's why I couldn't be mad at you because I know you deserve better than the person I am which leads me into thinking it's not your fault for wanting to leave.
I don't know what it is about you, but you made me feel things that I never knew had in me. You ignited this spark and although it was brief, I cherished every moment of it and I guess I'll have a hard time to dim it out.
I'm not going to chase for you anymore, but I just hope you still think of me even if it's rarely. I have to admit that even if you don't think of me, let alone miss me, I do found myself missing you and it's unfair. I don't know how the universe works, but it's unfair. For now, I hope.