Hello.

Spend the morning by flowing out all of my tears in the bathroom, list out all of my flaws, over-thinking and having a conversation with myself by talking and thinking about negative things and suicidal thoughts. The reason why I do this a lot is because I have no one to talk to or no one to turn to when I'm feeling this way. 

1. I've been feeling lost lately. There's so much going on in my head and I don't know how to stop it. It's slowly destroying me and I don't know what to do about it. If there's someone who would listen to me, they wouldn't understand and just tell me to get over with it. Telling somebody with depression to "just smile" is like telling somebody with cancer "just get over it" and that's plain bullshit.

2. I feel like no one loves me. Not as in a boy loves girl or girl loves boy kind of love, it's a different feeling and situation. I feel as if my family, friends or anyone I know doesn't love me. Whenever I ask my parents like, "What are you doing?" or "What are you cooking for dinner?" they wouldn't answer me and just leave me standing there and make me feel so stupid and unwanted. I know that they're tired and busy from working but is it really that hard to notice me for once?

3. I'm tired of having this sad thoughts in my brain although I'm in a happy moment. I don't know how to explain it. I just want to get rid of all of these sadness and be happy, not caring what will happen next as long as all of this sadness in my brain will stop.

4. I'm not good enough. I'm not skinny enough. Not smart enough. Not pretty or attractive enough. Not tall enough and etc. I don't like my face, body and figure. I'm not saying that I'm not grateful but these things bothers me alot. I want to be happy with myself - with my face and body. I've always wanted to say, "I'm not that ugly or fat" whenever I look at my reflection in the mirror, and not "Why am I so ugly?", "Why can't I be like all of those pretty girls out there?", "Why can't I look decent without even trying?", "Look at those fat thighs, stomach, cheecks and legs.", "You've never been on a diet or even jog.", "Girls out there are prettier and smarter than you.", " You're disgusting". No, I don't want to feel and say things like that again whenever I look at the mirror. It hurts so much. 

5. I'm not important. I just didn't feel like anyone depended on me. I'm not a big role of someone's life. I'd never make "anyone's day". I'm nothing to everyone. Just a shy, useless and a timid girl. People wouldn't mind if I'm gone one day. I bet everyone will feel that way. When they hear the news that I'm already gone, no one will shed a tear, and if they do; You didn't appreciate her when she's still here, so why bother crying over someone that you never love?

6. People don't appreciate me. It saddens me how they don't see the effort and sincerety I do whenever I'm trying to help them or anything. They never see what I've done for them. They only remember my careless mistakes and stupidity. 

Bye.